> Tres Chere: Welcome to Crazy Town (My Garage Sale)

Monday, September 26, 2011

Welcome to Crazy Town (My Garage Sale)

This past weekend I had a garage sale. The last time I had a garage sale was over three years ago. Yeah I know, can you imagine how much crap was in my garage? 

Here was my ad.

Garage Sale
Saturday - Sunday 7:00 AM - ?
Vintage Items, Antiques, Household Decor, Furniture, etc.
Priced to go! I need room in my garage! I can't take it anymore!

Pretty standard, right?

I am normally going to garage sales not hosting them so I had forgotten what it was like to be on the other side. So here are my own observations and stories about some..not all..of the people who came to my garage sale.

The Break - O - Dawners 
These are the people that show up at your house an hour before you open the garage door.

Remember my ad said 7:00 AM? I woke up late! I had my alarm set for 6:30 but didn't wake up until 6:50. I jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen to make coffee. Guess what? No coffee! Grrrr! Now it was 6:55 AM. Crap! I grabbed my car keys and jumped in my car and as I was backing out of my driveway sure enough I could see out of the corner of my eye the cars slowly creeping toward my house. I didn't care though, they could wait 5 minutes. I needed my coffee STAT! I get back to the house and cars are lined up along the street. I'm thinking, awesome, I'm gonna make some money and get this crap outta my garage! 

Later that morning, I could see my 17 year old daughter peeking at me though the kitchen window trying to get my attention. I opened the door to check on her. What's the matter honey? "What the heck?" she says. Some old guy and his wife rang the door bell ten times this morning and when I finally answered the door they asked if we were having a garage sale. What did you say? I said um yeah as soon as my mom gets back. What did they say? He said your ad said your garage sale started at 7:00 AM and we are here and it is 7:01 AM. I told him again, as soon as my mom gets back she will open the garage. He creeped me out so I closed the door. OMG! 

Sure enough these same people came back a couple of hours later. The old man came up to me and said, "You know we were here at 7:00 this morning and you weren't open?"  Oh, I'm sorry. I was 5 minutes late opening the doors because I over slept. "But your ad said 7:00 AM and we were here", he said. Um, ya I heard you mention that already and my daughter told me about you waking up our entire house by ringing the doorbell 10 times. But you said 7:00 AM and we were here.

Deep breath, Angela....count to 10 and walk away. You have no idea how close I was to totally going OFF on him! But I didn't. I had customers. All I said to him was you need to get your Depends out of a wad and move on dude. Calm down....he didn't hear me...I mumbled it like a sassy teenager under my breath.

You know what the icing on the cake was? They didn't buy a thing! I really believe they came back just to tell me that they were here at 7:00 and my doors weren't open. Get a life!

Granny Andretti
Picture this, a 94 year woman who looks like a skinny version of the cartoon character Maxine.

First of all she pulls up in a hoopty, which I could hear coming a mile away. She has probably owned this car since she bought it brand new back in the 1950's.

This granny had a pep in her step. As she was speed walking up my driveway she said "Whatcha got?" while scanning my goods. I said "Whatcha looking for?" She said a stool, I have always wanted a stool, do you have a stool? I actually didn't have one out for sale but I liked her so offered to sell her one I had in my garage. How much, she said? How about $5.00? Nah, too much she said. Okay how about $3.00? Okay, I'll take it.

She continued to look around and said, "How much for this pretty little lady?" I giggled and said for you $1.00. Okay, sold. If you missed my post about this pretty little lady click HERE.

She paid for her purchases and I offered to carry her items to her car. As we were approaching the car which was basically abandoned in the middle of the street, she said "You like my parking job?" I said, it is awesome, I love it! She said I am 94 years old and ask me if I care. I laughed and said, well you have earned that right. She got in her car and started her hoopty up. As if I didn't smell already enough from working all day, I got a nice spritz of exhaust fumes blown all over me from Granny's car. I felt like I was at the dang NASCAR speedway! Before I could get two steps up my driveway, she peeled out like a bat outta hell and was gone just like that. POOF! I swear, it was the funniest thing ever and I almost peed my pants laughing so hard.

The Snoopers
These people don't understand what boundaries are.

I designated an entire shelf in my garage with items that were not for sale. I even taped a sign to the shelf so there would be no confusion.
Sure enough, people just had to know what was on that shelf and what was behind my sign. I was even asked several times, "So nothing on the shelf is for sale?" Um, hello people what does the sign say?

So what would any normal person do? When no one was looking I placed this handsome looking fellow behind my sign and sat back and waited.

An hour later, I heard a scream. Mission accomplished.

The Hem - N - Hawers
People who fret over purchasing an item for 25 cents when they know deep deep down inside the price is a steal. 

I'm thinking to myself as I am painfully watching this guy fret over a plastic bowl, buy it already! Geez! You have been looking at it for 10 minutes now. It's only a quarter. Wait, here's a quarter, I will actually pay you to take it!  I can't stand to witness this anymore. 

The Negotiators
Points out every single flaw in the item they are interested in. Uses phrases like "Can you do any better?" or "This really isn't in my budget" would you be willing to take blah blah blah...and then proceed to offer a number that makes you want to say "Are you crazy lady?" After they have beat you down they drive off in their brand new 2011 Mercedes SUV.

Good Cop Bad Cop
Husband and wife team. One is usually super friendly to distract you and the other is the buyer that is a tough negotiator. You fold and usually give in because you like the "Good Cop" and feel sorry for them for being married to the Bad Cop.

So as you can see I had a very interesting weekend. Never a dull moment around here! I learned a lot about people and it was a good reminder for me to make sure I mind my manners when I go to garage sales. Nothing like being on the other side to give you that reality check. LOL

Until next time.....

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Lisa - A Room with A View said...

This was one hilarious post! Great characterizations. The first picture truly scared me.

Renee said...

I usually get the husband that distracts me while the wife is stealing my stuff and putting it in the car. I'm having a yard sale this weekend and the anxiety attacks already started!

debye said...

You girls crack me up. You write like I think -- that may not be a good thing but I love it!!
Love your style in everything!

Kerita said...

Hahaha! I burst my sides laughing at your post. Well, yeah, granny is the coolest. I'm one of those people who are persistent when it comes to haggling. The mask is a great idea! LOL.

-Kerita Kantz

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